Why did I start writing?
My Purpose
Through music & poetry I want to ignite faith & courage & share the teachings of Jesus Christ.
If it helps even one person it will be worth the effort.
I also want to share a message of peace and hope with the world.
I believe the only way to find true peace & lasting joy is through Jesus Christ, the Prince of Peace.
Life of Jesus Christ: Miracles - Blind Man Healed on the Sabbath (churchofjesuschrist.org)
The Start
Rewind to the COVID abyss of 2021. My daughter was serving her mission in Arizona when she was originally headed for France. Everything felt upside-down. Then Russia invaded Ukraine. All of the uncertainty was taking a huge toll on my children-- especially the 2 teenagers at home who were suffering from significant anxiety as the world they knew came to a screeching halt. Agonizing over my children and feeling helpless, I was desperate for peace & hope. I have always used music as a way to calm my spirit, and now was no different. I also wanted to do something to make a difference in the world when it felt like it was falling apart. I was praying intently and listening constantly to hymns and uplifting music such as "The Lamb of God" by Rob Gardner. My prayers often included something like this, "Heavenly Father, please USE me. I will do anything you ask me to. I want to feel like my talents, even though they are modest, are at least used for something good...for something greater than doing dishes and the laundry. Help me. And use me to help someone else. I know I am capable of doing more than I am right now." During this time, my daughter Karissa started tinkering with hymn arranging while on her mission. I felt like if she could do it, maybe I could as well. So I pulled out an old music manuscript notebook and started scribbling down lyrics and notes. This was the beginning of what would become my first song- "As Saints We Come." I wrote it with Karissa in mind-- my missionary daughter who was so patiently dealing with the disappointment of not getting to France, and pushing forward through the unique challenges of being a COVID missionary. I also was hoping to help my friend, Lara, in Ukraine. Keep reading if you want specifics on Lara or further explanation of the lyrics of that song.
What Was I Thinking?
I put this little music project on hold for nearly 2 years. It is easy to feel inadequate when there are far more talented people out there, and I really don't have any credentials other than playing the piano my whole life. I was raised to be practical & realistic, & perhaps even pessimistic. Music & the arts were viewed as nice hobbies- not as serious pursuits- in my home. As a young girl, I imagined being a poet or a concert pianist. As I grew up, I knew it was unrealistic, because the music world is so subjective & competitive-- so why bother if I could never be the best, right? Don't get me wrong-- I am grateful I know how to be practical & that I have an education in the sciences, because it IS useful. And frankly, the only reason I have the liberty now to follow more creative pursuits is because of Tyler's dedication to providing for our family as a physician, a very stable & realistic profession. I also have my "hobby job" as a dietitian, which is fulfilling & fun, but also helps to fund my music hobby. But only other musicians or artists will understand that burning need to create something unique and beautiful. I was trying to push it aside, but that soul-yearning kept simmering inside me. Recently, I have tried to embrace a gentler, less perfectionistic way of thinking. It take conscious effort to be more optimistic, but it is a much happier way to live. I fully accept that I am not going to be the best composer, but it doesn't mean it isn't worth trying. If my music & poetry end up being appreciated by even a small handful of people, then it will be worth it. It will benefit my own soul if nothing else...and it already has. Besides, I believe the parable of the talents story in the Bible. If we bury our talents, we will gradually lose what we have been given. But even if we have a modest talent, if we are willing to share it, God will multiply its effect.
I was stuck because the next song I was working on, "Lord, I Believe," was really meant for a solo male voice- at least that's how I heard it in my mind. The problem was this-- I didn't know anyone I could comfortably ask to do this for me. I had really put my whole heart and soul into this song, so I wanted it the way I imagined it in my mind. At one point I turned it into a quartet and had a group sing it for me, which was great, but I still wasn't completely satisfied with it. So I set it aside. For 2 years. Until I heard Alex Purser singing in church at Christmas-time. He and his little family had just moved into the neighborhood. Our ward choir was singing Silent Night, and he sang the first verse in German. I couldn't even finish singing the other verses with the choir because I was so moved by it. The thought clearly came to my mind, "this is what you've been waiting for." Within a few days, I had pulled out my neglected manuscript from the piano bench. Eventually I approached Alex & asked him if he would consider critiquing my compositions & singing for me for hire. It has been a pleasure working with him these past 6 months.
First Song
My first song has echoes of the hymn, “Come, Come, Ye Saints,” in some of the phrases and the chorus. My pioneer ancestors sang this hymn when they too were refugees, fleeing persecution & crossing the plains in wagons & handcarts to get to safety in Utah. Whenever I sing it, I feel the power of their faith as they faced overwhelming hardships- believing that if they trusted God, all would be well. Although the challenges we face in our modern world are different, they are equally difficult and still require increased faith in God & in our Savior, Jesus Christ, to get through them. I was inspired by recent teachings of President Russell M. Nelson, the prophet and president of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. (See the links on the bottom of this page). I look to him with absolute confidence for direction to help me navigate an increasingly turbulent world. Following his recent counsel to take unprecedented measures to increase my faith in Christ has brought me peace and hope when nothing else could. If you have honest, respectful questions about my personal journey of faith, you are welcome to send me a message through the link at the bottom of this page.
